Peacemaking and Polarization: Moving to the Messy Middle

Peacemaking and Polarization

Moving to the Messy Middle

Peacemaking and Polarization…Our world is polarized. No surprise here. In fact, “polarized” might be the most overused word now, just like “unprecedented” was during the height of the pandemic. But does the division in our world weigh on you like it weighs on me?

I started writing this post before the Supreme Court’s decision on abortion. That only added gas to the fire that is driving us apart as a nation. How much can this country take? We all feel it.

Jesus Was A Peacemaker

While opposing sides champion their cause my concern is the state of our relationships. Maybe it’s the pastor in me. And as a pastor, I’m especially concerned about the state of the church. 

The strife in our country has strangely spilled into the church. I say strangely because the church ought to be an example to the world, a model of love and reconciliation. Some of Jesus’ last words called his followers to love and unity. Our positive influence is meant to spill over into the world. But it seems that some people in the church are actually the instigators of strife in the country as well as the church. How can this be?

My Appeal: Make Peace

I’m not writing to promote a cause but rather to make an appeal. My appeal is that you and I and every follower of Jesus choose to make peace. Peace is a quality of God’s kingdom. It reflects the nature of who God is. Peace is not only the absence of conflict but what results when the work of reconciliation has been done. And it IS work.

Jesus said that God blesses peacemakers. If you want to champion a cause on the left or right, can you do it while making peace?

Something is Missing

My assessment of the problem is that something is missing in our arguments over various issues (abortion, LGBTIA+, race, guns, Covid, etc.). It’s as if we own a 100 piece puzzle with only 50 pieces. Two separate groups of puzzle solvers each form a section of the puzzle and because their pieces fit together so well they assume they know what the entire puzzle looks like. In fact, they insist on it despite the objections of the other group of puzzle solvers who have a different picture in mind based on their section.

Peacemaking Requires Finding the Truth on Both Sides

This confusion is true with our arguments as well. Both sides typically hold onto a piece of the truth. There is no disputing their truth and so they insist that they are right in how they connect the dots. In fact, they don’t believe there is any other way to see the problem or any need to see it another way. They denounce anything and everything the opposing side says. It’s a zero sum game in their mind.

But the fact that people are polarized tells me that it’s more complicated than we want to admit. The fact that both sides are so convinced tells me that there must be at least a shred of truth on both sides and we should slow down to find a way to make both sides fit together. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Peacemaking in the Church

What if we could not only see our truth, but see the truth on the other side? In my church denomination right now people are in disagreement about sexual roles and identity. It’s causing both sides to suggest that leaving the denomination might be the only answer to resolve the discord. Is it? Really? 

One side says the Bible forbids homosexuality. The other side says there is scripture that suggests that God’s grace is big enough to override these restrictions. Is there a middle ground? I’d like to think so. I’d at least like to commit to trying to find the middle ground, even if it doesn’t exist. How do we know unless we try? By the way, the denomination recently voted to look for this middle ground. I’m happy to see this.

Peacemaking and Abortion

Or let’s hit the hottest topic right now: abortion.  The pro-life side is convinced they are right because they see abortion in simple terms. Abortion stops a beating heart, as the billboard says. But the pro-choice side says there are other issues that need to be considered, like a woman’s right to choose what goes on in her body as well as health and economic concerns.

Peacemaking Means Slowing Down the Argument

You might disagree with my assessments of the two issues I mentioned above. They are an obvious oversimplification. But don’t lose sight of my point. All I’m asking is: can we slow down the arguments long enough to admit that the other side does have some truth?  

You see, if both sides didn’t hold some truth, there would be no argument. The answer would be obvious to all. It’s the fact that there is truth on both sides that creates the polarization and the passion. 

Until you can see the “truth” of the opposing view and appreciate what that truth does for people, you’ll never have a reasonable conversation or find common ground with them.

The Messy Middle

I recently heard Andy Stanley say that, “Problems are solved in the messy middle.” That means that we will never resolve an argument by winning over the other side. In some rare cases someone might “see the light” and change sides. It does happen. But typically each side only digs in deeper and keeps repeating their truth as their disgust grows for the other side. Each side is offended that the other side can’t see the obvious truth in the matter. That’s when the posters and bullhorns come out.

Destroying Community

What we too often want is to “fix” the problem. We cling to a simplistic answer and refuse to entertain the possibility that there are other ways to view an issue for fear of conceding the argument. Henri Nouwen talked about our desire to fix (or cure) without caring for the people involved…

Our tendency is to run away from the painful realities or to try to change them as soon as possible. But cure without care makes us into rulers, controllers, manipulators, and prevents a real community from taking shape. Cure without care makes us preoccupied with quick changes, impatient and unwilling to share each other’s burden. And so cure can often become offending instead of liberating. Out of Solitude.

Our passion to be right and win the argument destroys community and that’s not right. In being “right” on our issue we can actually be wrong if it destroys our relationships. Therefore…something is missing. There must be a better way.

Polarizing is the Easy Way Out

The messy middle implies that if we want to break an impasse we are going to have to leave our side and move toward the middle. Polarizing is the easy way out. You don’t have to take the time to work through the difficulty of listening, understanding, or showing respect. The goal is to win no matter what.

The middle is messy. You don’t have all your buddies in the middle. In fact, you might get accused of being a sellout. Death threats seem to be popular in our culture for those who venture into the middle. The middle requires empathy and compassion in order to listen well. It requires considering new ideas, possibly foreign ideas, even mind-bending ideas that might offend you at first.

Solomon was a Peacemaker

The Bible tells a story that is quite famous along these lines. It’s the story of two women who came to Solomon, both insisting that a baby was theirs. Solomon said, “This is easy. I’ll just cut the child in two and you can both have half.” A cruel and ludicrous solution, right?

But isn’t that the “solution” we often choose? We choose to divide rather than move into the messy middle to find a solution. We choose the death of relationships and community over the life that comes from finding a way to stay together. Families separate. Couples divorce. Churches split. 

The real mother in the story couldn’t let her child die so she gave up her right to be its mother. The same is true for us: sometimes we have to give up our rights and what is true to make peace.

Peacemaking Takes Work

Entering the “messy middle” takes work. It means suspending your truth and being willing to look for and understand the truth on the other side. It doesn’t mean that you have to abandon your truth and solely embrace the truth of the other. It only means you understand it and appreciate why it’s important to them. It means refusing to belittle or even demonize those who hold another perspective. And it means looking for a way that you can make peace with people for whom Jesus died.

Jesus Made Peace

To an early church in the first century, the Apostle Paul spoke these words to the Jews and Gentiles who couldn’t get along with each other…

Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Ephesians 2:14

Jesus made the way for his followers to work together. This verse might require that you meditate on it to get the full weight of it. But what it means is that we don’t have to be at odds with each other. We can choose unity in spite of our differences.

We Have to Get This Right

Christians and the church have to get this right. The world is watching. Jesus sent us into the world to show people what reconciliation and love look like. So far, we aren’t doing so well.

Jesus was willing to die to show the world God’s love. What are you willing to do to show the world the same thing?

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