Coping Mechanisms are the Solution Not the Problem
Coping Mechanisms are the Solution, Not the Problem
Coping Mechanisms are not the Problem. In my book, Healing the Hurts of Your Past, I talk about a variety of coping mechanisms to treat the pain of shame, such as: drinking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, caretaking, etc. just to name a few. It’s so unfortunate to turn to these because they only add to the problem.
When the “Solution” Makes Things Worse
To bring this into perspective, an analogy might help from my days living on 240 acres of farmland and woods...
Imagine that I am out a mile from home, deep in the woods. All I have is my chainsaw, some gas, oil, a fresh chain, a wrench and a dirty rag to wipe up the gas or oil spill. Then, the saw kicks back on me and I put a huge gash in my leg. Given what I had, what might I do?
I can imagine that if the blood was flowing I might grab that rag and shove it in the wound to stop the bleeding, right? But the very thing that I did to solve my problem could actually kill me. Why? Because the dirt in the rag could easily get into my bloodstream and spread infection throughout my body which would, in turn, kill me.
The smart thing for me to do in that situation is to take off my shirt and use it instead of the rag. But when are in crisis you don’t always do the smart thing, do you?
Copy Mechanisms Are The “Solution”
Get the picture? My “solution” was to grab a dirty rag. The rag wasn’t the problem. And in the same way, coping mechanisms aren't the problem. Coping mechanisms are the solution...at least that's what we think in the moment. We are just trying to kill the pain of our shame. We are trying to solve the problem as quickly and inexpensively as we possibly can.
I get that. I think God gets that too. He's not mad at you for your behavior as much as he is sad for you. He hates to see you in pain and he hates to see you add to your pain by turning to useless and harmful "solutions".
There is a better way to solve the problem...something that is long-term and not a quick fix. It involves turning to a loving God who values you for just being you...warts and all. Once that foundation is in place you can rebuild your life. Learn a better way to solve the pain of shame in my book, Healing the Hurts of Your Past.
Question: What are some "solutions" that you have turned to for your pain?
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