Over the last few weeks I’ve released a new series of short videos on How To Recover and Heal From Spiritual Abuse. I’m outling the series here in case you might be interested in watching the videos or recommending them to someone else.

What is Spiritual Abuse?

I’ve encountered so many people who have experienced spiritual abuse that I assume everyone knows what it is. But I was chatting with someone the other day about my book Broken Trust (about toxic faith and spiritual abuse) and they didn’t know what I was talking about.

So, put briefly, spiritual abuse, like any abuse, is when one person breaks into the personal space of another, uninvited, to take something that’s not theirs to take. What they take varies but it has to do with taking control over another person and violating their will.

Abusers can use physical force or emotional manipulation. Spiritual abuse might use both but has the added threat of using God to intimidate people to comply. Put simply it says, “Do what I say or God will be unhappy with you,” which can take many forms.

Spiritual Abuse Can Be Traumatizing.

Most people have no idea how traumatizing it is to suffer under spiritual abuse. But a person opens themselves up in vulnerable ways to others when they are spiritually seeking and so the violation that occurs can be devastating. Not everyone is traumatized by spiritual abuse but it can throw some people into a tailspin, and unfortunately, they are often misunderstood. It’s easy to minimize the impact of spiritual abuse and expect people to just “get over it.”

Because of the trauma, many victims find it hard to return to church, read the Bible, pray, or even believe in God. There are too many painful memories attached to these things.

How to Recover and Heal From Spiritual Abuse

So how does someone recover and heal from spiritual abuse? It’s a long process, but let me outline the five videos I created as a possible path to healing. Here they are.

Video One: Leave Your Abusive Church or Group

Leaving the abuse might seem obvious but there are many reasons why people choose to stay. In the video I discuss four reasons why people are tempted to remain in their abusive setting.

Video Two: Take Time Away From a Worship Community

This advice is something that many Christians don’t understand if they’ve never suffered from spiritual abuse. But I compare returning to church after an abusive experience to someone who went through an abusive marriage, ended the marriage, and then gets married again right away. That person needs time to heal and reflect on what went wrong, heal emotionally, and gain a fresh perspective on marriage.

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In the same way, you can’t possibly find a healthy church and engage in it in healthy ways if you just came out of an abusive church. It’s important to take time away to clear your head, heal your heart, and gain a fresh perspective of who God is, who you are, and what church is. I offer four reasons why I believe this is true.

Video Three: Use Your Time Away to Gain a Fresh Perspective

In this video I offer seven different ways to gain a fresh perspective. Taking time away from church should be put to good use learning about spiritual abuse, how it affects you, and how you can heal. Too often people wallow in the pain of their abuse without seeking to be healed.

Video Four: How To Set Healthy Boundaries

The essence of abuse is that people have taken something valuable from you. There is incredible loss. Either boundaries were broken down through manipulation, intimidation, and force or there possibly were no boundaries to begin with. I look at the different types of boundaries that need to be put into place before returning to church.

Video Five: Overcoming Shame, Anger, and Loss

Shame, anger, and loss all play a role in spiritual abuse. Obviously, a video isn’t going to help you to overcome these three things. But I touch on each one briefly to help people understand the areas that will probably need some work with a counselor and through their own reading and study.

Don’t Give Up on God

So many people have given up on God and church because of an abusive church experience. I hate to see this. It breaks my heart. These people came to their church hoping to find God and a new life but instead they were hurt and left devastated, unable to live the life that God has for them. It’s my hope that these people will not only find healing but be able to reenter the church, a healthy church, to reclaim their purpose and fulfillment in life.

Here is the link to the first video in the series. There are two videos published so far. I will release the next three videos each Monday of the coming weeks. Give them a look and please share them with others.

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