How Low Self-Worth Makes Enemies of Friends
How Low Self-Worth Can Make Enemies of Friends
Did you know that it’s possible to see your friends as enemies if you suffer from low self-worth? It’s true. This is because, without realizing it, you might be trying to prove your worth to them.
Deep down, you fear that your friends will see how worthless you really are. In some respects, they become your enemy, because you feel the need to protect yourself from this revelation. So, instead of drawing close to your friends, you push them away and don’t let them get close.
Henri Nouwen on Low Self-Worth
Henri Nouwen, a Christian author, said that when we base our self-worth on our accomplishments or the approval of others, we become possessive and defensive. We see other people as threats to our self-worth, and we try to keep them at a distance.
When we cling to the results of our actions as our own way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom we share the gifts of life. page 67, Show Me the Way
This is a problem because it prevents us from forming close relationships. Friends are supposed to be people who we can trust and be ourselves around. But if we are constantly trying to prove our worth to them, we can never relax and be ourselves.
Overcoming Low Self-Worth
What can you do if you suffer from low self-worth? The first step is to realize that you are worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of your accomplishments or the approval of others.
But you might say, “No, that’s the problem. I HAVE no worth.” But this is where people go wrong. Your value doesn’t come from who YOU are or what YOU do. It comes from what God says about you.
The early followers of Jesus knew this and talked about how our faith in Jesus makes us right with God. When God looks at us, he doesn’t see our weakness and failure but the perfection of his Son.
The apostle Paul put it like this:
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Romans 8:31-35
Transforming Low Self-Worth and Making True Friends
Jesus came to not only restore our worth but to give us his Spirit to live a life worth living. His love not only forgives our past, it transforms our future by changing us to be more like him.
Once you realize the power of God’s love for you, you can start to let go of the need to prove yourself to others. You can relax and be yourself around your friends and start to build stronger relationships with them. You can even have the courage to share your weaknesses with them knowing that your weaknesses don’t diminish your true value. This vulnerability is what builds true friendship.
How to Deal With Low Self-Worth
Here are some practical ideas for dealing with low self-worth:
Spend time with people who love and accept you unconditionally. These are the people who will help you to see yourself as God sees you.
Distance yourself from people who tear down your sense of worth and turn off their voices in your head.
Become familiar with verses in the Bible that talk about God’s love for you and how he values you. The appendix to my book, Healing the Hurts of Your Past, lists nine pages of powerful verses to reframe how you view your worth.
Talk to a therapist or counselor who sees you from God’s perspective. They can help you to understand the root of your low self-worth and help you to renew your mindset.
Look for the good in who you are and what you do rather than playing the tapes of your shortcomings.
Be kind to yourself and accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all. No one is perfect. We are all in process. There is no shame for being who you are.
Put your worth into motion by serving/volunteering to help others in some way. When you help others, it helps you to feel valuable.
Ask God to help you to become the person he created you to be.
Remember, your worth comes from God, not your accomplishments.
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