Overcoming Stress and the Power of Community
Overcoming Stress
… and the power of community
This is part two in my series of posts on overcoming hardship. I am tracking the last days of Jesus to see what we can learn from him about the darkness of stress. Today, I will draw on the book, The Upside of Stress,by Kelly McGonigal to show how Jesus lived out what research is proving to be true.
Overcome Stress by Connecting with Others
The first thing that Jesus did to overcome stress was to reach out to connect with others. When Jesus’ week of suffering drew near, he started to tell his disciples what was about to go down. There are many examples of this in the gospels. Jesus didn’t keep his pain to himself. He shared his stress.
Unfortunately, his disciples didn’t offer him any comfort. In fact, one time after Jesus shared his fate of crucifixion, James and John had the audacity to have their mother ask Jesus if they could sit at his right and left hand, thinking that he was going to become the King of Israel. They were totally clueless and missed their chance to comfort Jesus.
The same thing happened in the Garden of Gethsemene. Jesus invited Peter, James and John to join him in prayer. But do you remember what happened? They fell asleep.
Jesus’ disciples failed him, but at least Jesus did the right thing. In his darkness, he didn’t withdraw and isolate. He didn’t sit and feel sorry for himself. He reached out and invited people into his life. He tried to connect.
The Research on Stress and Connecting
In The Upside of Stress, the author, Kelly McGonigal says:
“...the way to find hope is to connect, not escape.” page 161
In fact, she goes into detail about how our bodies are designed to move us to connect with people. She said that when you are under stress, your brain releases two chemicals. One, a chemical called oxytocin, is released to make you want to connect with other people. Another chemical, dopamine, is also released to motivate you to make that connection.
Now, unfortunately, many people let fear override the impact of these chemicals. They are afraid to be vulnerable and reveal their pain to others. Brene Brown put it like this:
When we feel isolated, disconnected, and lonely, we try to protect ourselves. In that mode, we want to connect, but our brain is attempting to override connection with self-protection. That means less empathy, more defensiveness, more numbing, and less sleeping.” ― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness
But when you do these things; self-protect by being defensive, numbing, etc., you are actually working against God’s design. God created you to connect with people during dark times so that you’ll be filled with hope and courage.
When you isolate and obsess about your pain, you miss out on what God had planned for you. God created you to be in relationship. When you neglect that part of your humanity, you suffer for it.
Overcome Stress by Helping Others
The second thing Jesus did during his time of darkness was to help others. Instead of shutting down and dwelling on his betrayal Jesus continued to think about serving others. For example, before he joined his disciples for the Last Supper, John tells us that Jesus...
...got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:4,5
Jesus used every minute of his life as a chance to help others.
The Research on Helping Others
Now this is where the research really impressed me, so I have a few quotes for you. This might be one to put on your mirror:
If you struggle with avoidance, self-doubt or feeling overwhelmed, helping others is one of the most powerful motivation boosters you can find. Page 164
The author said that when you reach out to help someone else, you trigger a release of chemicals in your body that is like flipping a switch in your brain from despair to hope. I realize that when you are in a season of darkness, the last thing you want to do is help someone else. You often think that you don’t have time to help others. You need to deal with your own stuff first. But when researchers instructed hurting, time crunched people to help others in need, they said:
Surprisingly, helping someone else decreased people’s feeling of time scarcity more than actually giving them extra time did.
What this means is, the researchers had two groups of stressed out people, people who didn’t think they had any extra time for anyone else. They asked one group to spend time helping others, and they freed up the time of the people in the second group. At the end of the study they said that the people who helped others felt like they had more free time than the people who were actually given more time in their lives. That led the researchers to conclude:
When individuals feel time constrained, they should become more generous with their time— despite their inclination to be less so.
And so McGonigal made this recommendation:
When you are feeling overwhelmed, look for a way to do something for someone else that goes beyond your daily responsibilities. Your brain might tell you that you don’t have the time or energy, but that is exactly why you should do it.
She goes on to say that you don’t have to make grand gestures to help others. You don’t have to go on a mission trip or give away thousands of dollars. She tells people to just look for the little ways you can help people as you go about your day. That simple mindset turns your focus off of your problems and it changes your brain chemistry.
So the point here is: if you are in a dark place, helping others will move you out of that dark place. And if that doesn’t motivate you, then maybe a health risk might. Studies showed that...
Among people who did not serve their communities in some way, every stressful life event, like a divorce or job loss, increased the risk of developing a new health problem. But there was no such risk for people who regularly spent time giving back.
Helping Others Could Save Your Life
But wait...helping others can actually save your life:
Among those who did not routinely help others, every significant stressful life event increased the risk of dying by 30 percent. But participants who went out of their way to help others showed absolutely no stress-related increased risk of death.
I love this research because it backs up what I’ve been preaching for years. I regularly talk about the importance of connecting with each other and helping others. I mean, it’s built right into our church logo: connect, grow, serve.
I like how Kelly McGonigal put it. She said:
The best way to help these individuals who are often labeled “at-risk” might be to turn them from victims into heroes, and to help them help others.
That’s my job as a writer and pastor, and that’s our job with each other: to help turn people from victims to heroes by helping each other help others. I've got more to say about overcoming stress in my next post. Stay tuned.
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