Today is Day 14 of our 40 Day Journey from setback to comeback. On Day Thirteen I looked at the anger that comes from being invalidated. Today I want to look at the anger that comes from limited choices.

The Anger from Limited Choices

Whenever your choices are limited, that's a loss to you. Choice helps you to feel powerful: in control. Take that control away and it hurts.

When someone puts you in a position where you have fewer choices it complicates your life. It’s like you are in a card game and you only get dealt half a hand. It puts you at a huge disadvantage. It makes you mad.

Or imagine having to work with one hand tied behind your back. Or, what if there are 100 options before you and someone says, you can pick two. That means there is a loss of 98 items. That can make you mad.

Your Career and Limited Choices

The career we choose might have choices that are inherently limiting. For example, people who choose the ministry experience a variety of limited choices that they may not be aware of at first. One pastor friend of mine was struggling financially and he realized that, short of getting another job, he didn’t have any way to increase his income. Working longer hours or working harder made no impact on his income. He was stuck. His income was limited and with a limited income he was limited in all kinds of purchases from his car to his house to his vacations and more. Your job might offer you the same limitations. It can be frustrating.

When you start adding up these losses the sum total can make you feel boxed in: it's an exile. You can live with an underlying anger at these losses. So you need to look deeper. What's the real issue? What really bothers you about these losses? What are the secondary losses?

Secondary Losses from Limited Choices

There are a few. As I mentioned, there's the loss of control. Dallas Willard talks about the importance of a person having the ability to choose:

In creating human beings God made them to rule, to reign, to have dominion in a limited sphere. Only so can they be persons. Any being that has say over nothing at all is no person… They would be reduced to completely passive observers who count for nothing, who make no difference.

The Loss of Control, Respect, and freedom

For this reason, limited choices create a loss of control as well as a loss of respect. You feel like less of a person when you have no control. No power to change your circumstances.

Limited choices also create a loss of freedom. Think through your life. Where have your choices been limited? Maybe when your parents divorced, you had fewer options. Suddenly your parents couldn’t afford for you to go out for sports or band, etc. Or maybe poor grades limited your options for college, which in turn limited your career options. These are the primary losses.

But think deeper; what are the emotional losses associated with those limited choices? Have you lost control of your life? Do you sense a loss of respect? These are your secondary losses. Bring them to God. Tell him how you feel. Ask him to speak to you about these losses. What does he want you to know? How can he show you his abundance in the face of these losses?

This 40-day journey is adapted from my book, Return from Exile.

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