When Gossip becomes a spiritually weaponized accusation.

Have you been accused of gossiping about your concern over being mistreated by a spiritual leader? It’s a common tactic to shut down credible concerns that people have about a church or spiritual leader . 

Accusing someone of gossip is often the first line of defense of a toxic spiritual leader. When they learn that someone is concerned about their abusive behavior they immediately respond by accusing the person of gossip. They weaponize a biblical term to gain back the control they feel is slipping away. They think that by guilting a person with Bible verses that they can intimidate them back into compliance. 

Unfortunately, it often works because most church goers don’t want to be shamed in their church and called out for undermining the pastor or leadership. Plus they are often unclear about what gossip is.

Is It Really Gossip?

But wait a minute. Is talking about possible spiritual abuse really gossip? For example, imagine that you are walking down a street and you see someone being physically abused. Is it considered gossip to talk to someone else about the abuse you observed to help you know what you might do about it? Of course not. Talking to someone about the abuse is the right thing to do. It’s like the sign at the airport, “If you see something, say something.”

If you’ve experienced spiritual abuse or witnessed it, you need to say something. Start by speaking to a trusted friend or counselor to make sure your observations of abuse are accurate (if it’s not obvious). And then decide your next step. Should you confront the abuser? Do you contact an authority to deal with the abuse? Or should you simply walk away? (Watch “How to Confront Toxic Leaders” on YouTube).

What Does The Bible Say About Gossip?

The Bible definitely warns against gossip. Paul told Timothy a gossip is someone who gets …

…  into the habit of having nothing to do. They go around from house to house. They waste time. They talk about others. They bother people. They say things they shouldn't say.1 Timothy 5:13

Does this sound like someone who is concerned about abuse in their church?

What Does the Dictionary Say About Gossip?

The dictionary defines gossip as a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. I would add to this definition that gossip is when you share things with someone who cannot help the problem being discussed. 

This doesn’t sound like what’s happening when someone seriously seeks out advice to help them determine what to do after they’ve been abused spiritually. 

Confronting Spiritually Abusive Church Leaders

Paul continues his counsel to Timothy saying…

Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. 1 Timothy 5:19,20

This tells me two things. One, elders should be confronted and reproved if they are doing wrong. And two, if they are to be confronted by two or three witnesses, those witnesses need to gather to discuss their concerns, right?

That’s not gossip. Don’t let anyone try to shut you down when THEY are the one at fault.

Now, to be clear, it IS gossip to share your concerns with everybody and anybody even if they can’t help you to resolve the situation. And it’s slander if what you share is solely meant to damage someone’s reputation. Your discussion with others should be constructive with the purpose of stopping the abuse and helping the abused.

Don’t Be Intimidated

But in general, too many people are attacked and manipulated by abusive spiritual leaders who simply want to suppress any discussion about how they are mistreating people or mismanaging the affairs of the church/organization. Don’t be intimidated. Accusing you of gossip is just another example of their spiritual abuse.

I hope this helps clarify a concern that you might have. If not you, possibly a friend that needs to hear these words. (Watch “Have You Been Accused of Gossip?” on YouTube).

Learn More About Spiritual Abuse

To learn more about spiritual abuse, please consider my book, Broken Trust. A recent reader said this about the book,

As a survivor this was one of the best books that I have found that clarifies the dangers, hurts, wounds and the restorative process involved in overcoming the effects of spiritual abuse.

You can read all the reviews on Amazon.com

Click the Home Page button to learn more about my books, videos, and coaching. When you subscribe to readingremy.com you will receive the first chapter to my book, STUCK.

Finally, you might appreciate the following video…