This is part two in a series on Post Traumatic Spiritual Growth. I’m posting excerpts from an interview that I did with Marie Woods from Life Above for their recent Mental Health Conference. I was asked to address the topic from a pastoral perspective. Read Part One here.

Part One ended with me describing how trauma can make us feel defeated but I noted how, in the Bible, many people are able to rise above their trauma. So, the next question was…

How do people rise above their trauma?

I don’t want to be simplistic. Trauma is obviously very serious and so I don’t want to imply that there are five easy steps to recover from trauma. But let me give people an idea of how they might recover and actually see God use their trauma for good in their lives. The first thing is to…

recognize your trauma

Many people fail to see the loss of trauma and they try to carry on with life…they suck it up and keep moving. 

For example, I see this with people who have been a part of an abusive church. They might leave the church and think that finding a new church is the answer. But when they attend a new church they often feel uncomfortable. They don’t seem to fit in. And sometimes they’ll be triggered by a song, or a sermon, or even a smell. They experience a physical reaction, like a shortness of breath. Maybe a full panic attack.

These are signs that they might have PTSD but they don’t know it. They feel guilty about it and so they just try harder. Pray more. Go to church more, or whatever. 

So I’d say the first thing you need to do is recognize your trauma and appreciate the impact its had on you. Then, once you recognize it…

own Your Trauma

In other words, take responsibility for it because if you don't, no one else will. Don’t play the victim and let it ravage your life.

How does someone “own” their trauma?

Once you see your trauma, seek help. Find a good counselor…someone trained in trauma issues. You want to explore what the trauma has done to you and it’s hard to do that on your own. You are too deeply enmeshed in your pain. You need an objective perspective from someone who will help you climb out of your darkness.

After you find a counselor, what’s next?

find safe people

Many people don’t understand trauma and they can easily say things that trigger you and re-traumatize you. 

Religious people can often be very simplistic. They tell you to “just forgive” or “just move on” or “just trust God”. Those things don’t help. In fact, they can be very isolating, meaning those comments make you feel alone and like no one understands or appreciates your situation. 

For that reason it’s a good idea to join a support group to connect with people who understand you and can relate to your experience. It’s important to disconnect from unhealthy people and make connections with healthy people. 

It might seem selfish at first. People you know might feel rejected by you. But you need to be a little selfish if you want to recover.

What’s next in the healing process?

Grieve your loss

We aren’t good at this. We tend to want to jump right to healing and getting on with life. But that will only frustrate you because the grief will haunt you until you deal with it. 

I encourage people to slow down and reflect on all the losses from their trauma. Literally, take out a sheet of paper and write them down. You’ll be surprised how many losses there are.

We tend to minimize our losses. But I think healing comes when you identify them all. That way you have some very specific things to bring to God in prayer. 

So name your losses, and ask God to restore what was lost. I don’t necessarily mean something tangible, like you lost a marriage or a loved one. You won’t get those back. But you can ask God to fill up that space in you that feels the pain of loss.

After grieving your loss, is there another step?

Be patient with yourself

Trauma runs deeper than you think. When I left an abusive church it took me five years before I could start going to church again. At first, I felt guilty about that. I thought there was something wrong with me. And I’ve seen the same thing in others. But as I prayed about it, I sensed that God was telling me that I was in a recovery process. It would take time for the wounds to heal and that was okay. I felt like God was giving me permission to not attend church until it felt good again. And that’s what happened. 

Tell us about your time away from church.

I see my time away from church as a time of detox. I had to separate myself from the toxic abuse and let God rewire my thinking. I needed to rethink who I was, who God was, and what church should be. 

It was interesting because, after the abuse, not only was I uncomfortable in church but I couldn’t listen to most Christian music or even read the Bible. I could only read the psalms and listen to a few Christian artists. It’s like I had to strip away everything in my Christian world and let God rebuild it. 

The Bible calls this “renewing the mind.” And that’s true for any trauma. You can let it convince you that you are permanently broken, or you can look beyond the trauma to see the God of resurrection. The prophet Isaiah tells us that God turns our ashes into something beautiful. And that’s what Post Traumatic Spiritual Growth is all about.

How do you suggest that people renew their mind? 

I mentioned counseling and safe people. There are books that can help you reframe your thinking. I wrote a book called, Healing the Hurts of Your Past that helps with this. Simply sitting before God in silence and asking him to renew and restore you is also good. Reading the Bible can help you to see who you are from God’s perspective, if you know where to read it.

You see, it’s so easy to see the trauma as something that defines you and leaves you with a permanent open wound. Some people let their trauma become their new identity. They never move beyond it. In fact, they cling to it, always talking about it, and using it as an excuse for whatever they lack. I don’t think that’s fair to them, to their loved ones, or even God. God wants to transform our trauma and use it for good in our lives.

To be continued. Be sure to subscribe to this site to read the rest of this interview when it’s posted. Go to the home page to learn more about my books, coaching, and articles.

I reworked this interview into a four-part video series that you can watch here on Youtube…