Death Is A Gateway…This post is a personal one. My sister (Diedre) has been outpacing colon cancer for the past seven years in a remarkable way. But now, it seems to be catching up with her. In spite of that, she continues to show great courage and faith as she faces her last days. So I’d like to share with you how she’s chosen to see her cancer as a gift from God. It’s made all the difference in how she leaves this world.

A “Living” Celebration of Life

Diedre spends her summers here in Minnesota and will soon return to her home in Arizona. But she doesn’t think she’ll make it back for another summer. So… always thinking of others, she decided to have a “Celebration of Life” now, even thought she’s still alive, so her Minnesota friends don’t have to travel to Arizona once she passes. Plus, she kinda wants to be at the Celebration!

I bet everyone who's been to a funeral/celebration, and heard the nice things being said about the deceased, have thought, “I wonder if these people ever said these nice things to their friend when they were alive?” I know I have.

Having her at the celebration will not only be good for her to hear what people have to say about her but, more importantly, for her to share her love for her friends in person. The celebration takes place tonight, September 23, on her 73rd birthday. She will hold another celebration for her Arizona friends and family.

Death Is A Gateway, Not A Wall - Henri Nouwen

I came across a quote this week that does a great job of talking about how Diedre has faced death.

Death is part of a much greater and much deeper event, the fullness of which we cannot comprehend, but of which we know that it is a life-bringing event. . . . What seemed to be the end proved to be the beginning; what seemed to be a cause for fear proved to be a cause for courage; what seemed to be defeat proved to be victory; and what seemed to be the basis for despair proved to be the basis for hope. Suddenly a wall becomes a gate, and although we are not able to say with much clarity or precision what lies beyond the gate, the tone of all that we do and say on our way to the gate changes drastically.  Henri Nouwen

Making The Most Of Her Final Days

My sister has taught her friends and family so much about how to face death well. When she was first diagnosed with colon cancer, seven years ago, she had no idea she’d make it this long. 89% of people with colon cancer die before the five year mark.

In the early days, she thought she might just have a couple years left. Instead of folding up and giving in, she decided to make the most of it. Her primary goal was to connect with as many friends and family members as possible, which she did in a big way.

Connecting With Family And Friends

Diedre was able to reconnect with friends all the way back to grade school and doubled down on visiting cousins, nieces and nephews, as well her siblings. She’s had seven years to rekindle and develop these relationships, offering everyone rich experiences. Not only has she gotten reconnected, she’s helped our entire family reconnect. Twenty nine of us just gathered together recently… people we hadn’t seen in years.

She’s become the glue that sticks us together as well as the personal encourager to each member.

Contributing To Cancer Research

On top of that, a year ago, when she thought her death was imminent, Diedre wanted to do something big to thank her caregivers. She sponsored her own fundraiser/walk for cancer research, raising $55,000.

She just commemorated the walk two weeks ago. The picture above is of her as she walked three miles around a local lake. I’m not sure how she managed it. She said it was all adrenaline. But it was symbolic of how she hasn’t let cancer dictate to her how she’d live her life. If she has to leave the party early, she’s going to define the terms.

Connecting With God

Not only did she make an effort to connect with people, she decided it was time to figure out the God-thing… like, what’s that all about? She always had an interest in God, faith, and the Bible, but it seemed so intimidating. And she didn’t want to be weird and put people off, so she just kept the whole topic at a distance. 

But in her last few years she decided that this was no time to be timid. She reached out to a couple Christian friends she knew who could answer her spiritual questions and, surprisingly to her, it all came together. God became real, the Bible made sense, and this new connection gave her the peace and confidence she needed as the days to her life ticked down.

The Gift of Cancer

Diedre is the first one to tell you that she’s grateful for her cancer. She calls it a "gift" because without it, none of the connections she’s made over the last seven years would have happened, at least with the intensity that she’s experienced them. She wouldn’t trade these seven years for twenty years of just doing life as usual.

In fact, she reworked a familiar saying about cancer. I wrote about it in a post years ago, but this is the essence of what she said:

Cancer can be a gift...It can expand your love, It can encourage hope, It can enhance faith, It can bring peace, It can build friendships, It can make new memories, It can develop courage, It can blossom the soul, It can help me face eternal life, It can inspire the spirit. 

How You Face Death

I pass this on to you because too many people fear cancer and death and fail to make the most of their final days. But the truth is, death is in the future for all of us. So instead of fearing it or ignoring it, maybe we could learn from Diedre and Henri Nouwen.

May the “tone of all that we do and say” as we approach death “change drastically.”

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