Christy Boulware is a powerful speaker who works to encourage people on how to overcome their fears. She is about to launch a new series on her podcast called, Resilience in the Pews: Tackling Anxiety and Church Wounds. Christy has experienced these wounds herself and wants to help people find healing.

Christy learned about me and my book, “Broken Trust” when she googled the words “broken trust from church.” After finding help in my book, she invited me to be on her show.

Tackling Anxiety and Church Wounds

The new podcast series will launch on February 29th. I’d like to share a few questions that she asked me, with my answers… at least these were my prepared answers. I said more in the interview.

What called you into helping people through church abuse?

Calling is a good word because I never planned on it. It happened because the church that sponsored me starting a new church got a new pastor. He was fine at first but then he got into some strange doctrine. It split the church and I hated seeing this happen. It had been such a strong church.

I wanted to help them in some way, so I started posting articles on my website on how to respond to abusive leaders. To my surprise, those articles became the most popular posts on my website, reaching far beyond my intended target and into every continent. Clearly, there were a lot of people experiencing spiritual abuse throughout the world.

It made me ask God if I should write a book to help people in similar situations, which I did. I’m grateful for the many kind reviews the book has received and hearing how it has helped so many people.

From your experience, why do you think there is such a rise in abusive behavior in church settings? 

Honestly, I don’t think there is a rise in abusive behavior. It’s been there all along. Abuse has just been accepted in many churches and normalized. People are finally seeing abuse for what it is and feeling empowered to confront it, or at least walk away from it.

It’s like the #METOO movement. Women have always been oppressed and taken advantage of. They just started doing something about it recently. And so it’s in the news more now.

What is the difference between bad leadership or mistreatment and abuse in the Church? 

That’s a good distinction because I don’t think that all church hurt is intentional. But the problem is that bad leadership can feel like abuse to his/her followers, even though it was never intended.

It’s like people who lack emotional intelligence. They might have a good heart but they can’t read a room. They don’t see the negative impact they are making on people. Their words lack tact and empathy and so they end up offending people. They’d be horrified to learn that they were hurting people.

But that’s not an excuse. A bad leader can’t excuse themselves by saying, “I never meant to hurt anyone.” Empathy, tact, and compassion are all a part of the job. If you don’t have them, you shouldn’t be in ministry. Or you should at least be quick to apologize, learn from your mistakes, and make the necessary changes.

As for abusers, that’s a different story. There’s intent. They are purposefully crossing people’s boundaries to gain something for themselves at the expense of their victim. In their mind, there is some kind of “greater good” that justifies their abusive behavior. They see themselves as “God’s chosen vessel” and can therefore do whatever they want. They usually back it up with some Bible verse or warped theology that gives them permission to hurt others.

Listen in to the upcoming podcast!

The above is just a taste of the podcast. I hope you’ll tune into it when Christy releases this new series on the 29th of February. You can find all of her podasts here.

To learn more about how to overcome the hurt of spiritual abuse, check out my book, “Broken Trust” here.

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