How do you deal with the loss of a child? That is what someone asked me on an online forum recently. Maybe you've had a similar question. I responded with the following…

Dealing with the Loss of a Child

I assume you ask this question because you lost your child. If that is so, I’m very sorry. I hesitate to say anything in response through a forum like this. It seems so impersonal. But I will answer briefly in hope of offering you some help.

People often ask a question like yours, implying that the loss of a child requires a different kind of grieving process. I’ve detailed the grieving process in other posts here on readingremy.com. But the truth is: the process is the same. The greater the loss (as with the loss of a child) the greater the pain, definitely. The process remains the same.

Bringing Closure to the Loss of a Child

To recover from the loss of a child, you need to bring closure and acceptance to what was, and believe that God can still do something good with your life with what remains. It’s a hard shift, because so much of your joy in life and identity was wrapped up in your child.

Part of your identity died with your child. You didn't just lose your child, you lost the role of being their parent.  One of the tasks of the grief process is to come to terms with a new identity. Who are you after the loss of a child?

The temptation is to refuse your new identity and the thought that life can ever be good again.

Getting Stuck in Grief

Many people get stuck in the grief process. They almost don’t want their life to be good again because it would feel like they are implying that their child didn’t matter, that they can be whole without them. It feels like an insult or betrayal to their child and so the parent clings to their grief in honor of their child proving to them and others how much their child meant to them.

Moving On From the Loss of a Child

The truth is: your child would want you to move on. They don’t want you in pain for the rest of your life, limping along, only enjoying a portion of what life has to offer you. That's not fair to them...to put that on their memory. You truly honor them by finding closure, acceptance, and even joy. Live a full life in honor of your child. Do something great in their name.

I believe that God is the one who can walk you through this process to acceptance and joy. Many people turn from God in tragedy. I hope that is not the case for you. Let God fill up your losses and make your life good again. It will not be the same as before. Your life will be different. But it can still be very good...if you let it.

May you find God’s comfort and freedom in the days ahead.

I hope my words to this online person help you today, as well.

Search my blog posts below for “grief” to find more help.

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