Raw Shame; Ten More Ways We Manifest the Pain of Shame
This is part four of a six part study on the book Healing the Hurts of Your Past. The book looks at the pain of shame and the bad fruit that it produces in ones life. The first group of fruit we looked at consists of control tactics; coping mechanisms to keep the pain of shame from surfacing. When these tactics don't work we turn to the second group; denial. And when denial fails then we have raw manifestations of pain.
Ten Ways We Manifest the Pain of Shame
1. Envy
This is when you wish you had what others enjoy but are convinced you never will because you don't deserve good things in life.
2. Anger
When you experience shame you are always mad at somebody. Mad at yourself. Mad at people who put you down. Mad at God for making you so inadequate.
3. Rage
Shame based people don't feel like they deserve to express their anger so they often suppress it. But over time it builds up and eventually they can’t contain it anymore. When it finally appears, it’s more than anger. It’s rage.
4. Anxiety
Shame causes you to live in fear of being exposed for the poser that you are. Some day everyone will know the "real" you and they will kick you out. As a result, your emotions are always on edge.
5. Mistreating Yourself
When you don't think you are worthy of receiving good things it manifests by...
accepting the inferior - relationships, jobs, food at restaurants, etc.
sabotage - when you DO get something good you feel so uncomfortable that you undermine the relationship, job, etc. so you don't have it for long.
harming yourself - in various ways
eating disorders
a reckless lifestyle. Not caring about consequences because you aren't worth preserving.
6. Demand or Need for Affirmation
You trail people around hoping that they will feel obligated to like you or at least take pity on you. When they don't you use it as proof of how unworthy you are.
7. Devalue Yourself
You find yourself apologizing all the time, not accepting gifts, or resisting opportunities to use your talent.
8. Powerlessness
You live convinced that life will never be good and you can't do anything about it. You give up control to others and let them rule your life.
9. Self-pity
You are happy to get whatever kind of attention you can get, so you pity yourself hoping that others will give you the attention you crave.
10. Suicide
You give up on life because your pain is too great and you don't see it ever-changing.
If you see yourself in this list it doesn't mean you have ten MORE problems. You have ONE problem...shame. These are simply manifestations of shame. Deal with your shame and this list disappears.
“Healing the Hurts of Your Past” goes into depth regarding this topic. Shame doesn't have to control your life. With God's help, you can overcome it! Check out the book by clicking the link above.
Question: How else do you so the pain of shame manifest?
Related posts: