Forgiveness: The Real F-Bomb (Photo credit: bangart)
If I had to guess the number one reason people don’t forgive it would be they fear that forgiveness gives the stamp of approval to the offense and their offender. They are afraid they will send the message that the offense was “not that bad” or that they over reacted.
At least, that’s what I hear back all the time…especially from abuse victims. I appreciate that. The last thing you want to do is affirm an offense. Our inner “justice-meter” won’t let it happen.
Forgiveness is not excusing. Not at all. In fact, if you fear sending that message then be explicit with their offender. Tell them that they are forgiven. Tell them that you are moving on. But just to be clear, you still believe what they did was wrong and your forgiveness in no way minimizes their offense.
If you still you find yourself unable to forgive because of the “justice” factor. Please consider another injustice; the injustice of holding yourself hostage to your resentment and hatred. Doesn’t it seem wrong that you are the one locked up when someone else committed the offense? Forgiveness unlocks your prison and let’s you move on with your life.
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Thanks for the mention!
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At one point I lived with the thought that he did the crime and I was doing the time. It didn’t seem fair. Perhaps forgiveness comes slowly because anger descends intensely. Can anger and forgiveness live concurrentlyin the same soul? I view letting go to be a decision that can be made in the presence of anger. It then becomes an unfolding process. Simply make the intention to forgive and watch its power unfold in marvelous ways.
Author Barbara altman